Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Just a thought...

For the past few weeks, I have endured heartache to a level that I would never expect in my life. I have been so sad and confused, that I cannot seem to get a grip.

This is my why me question? When times hard and you are really down, is there someone that you can truly depend on????????

I thought that when there was no one I could turn to, I could always depend on family. Silly me. The word family in my dictionary means someone that has an unconditional love for you. That will stand by your side no matter what. I was shaken back into reality over the past few weeks, that this definition is mine and mine alone.

When my father died, I was able to reconnect with three of my sisters and one brother. It had been awhile since I saw my baby sister and I had never spoken to my three older siblings. The moment that brought us together was sad, but joyous at the same time.

I grew up knowing about them, through what my father and my aunt and uncle told me. It seems that I was the only child of my father's that knew about the other four...lol. Anywho we now speak on a daily basis, and I enjoy getting to know them.

Now for the disappointment, sadness and heartbreak. I was raised with my four cousins. I considered them to be my older brothers and sisters. During this time of bereavement, I was not able to depend or rely on them to help me through the pain of losing my father. Not only did it hurt, but shocked me to where I still cannot understand their reasoning for abandoning me. I haven't spoken to them, nor do I plan to at this moment. It hurts too much.

Have you ever been disappointed by a family member to where you couldn't understand why??? Have you figured it out yet?? If so, please let me know how you made it through.

I am so fortunate to have other family members and friends that helped me during my bereavement. I will be forever grateful.

As far as the disappointment in family, this is not the first time and I am sure it won't be the last time.

Why me? Why not? We all have our crosses to bear, it would be nice if someone was there to help us carry it.


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